Songs of the Heart Playlist

Songs of the Heart #4 - 'Every Brand New Day'

Two songs, but they have the same theme...

March 12th, 2009

When I was young, the smallest trick of light,
Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for,
And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar,
I just don't feel like flying anymore.
When the stars threw down their spears,
Watered Heaven with their tears,
Before words were spoken,
Before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

When I was small, the furthest I could reach,
Was not so high,
Then I thought the world was so much smaller,
Feeling that I could fly.
Through distant deeps and skies,
Behind infinity,
Below the face of Heaven,
He stoops to create me.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.
Dear God...
Increase.
Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,
without a beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever Your's,
Only You can make every new day seem so new.
-'Every New Day' by Five Iron Frenzy

I’m waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I’m holding on
To things I shouldn’t
It’s time to let them go
I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I’m blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I’m
So much more
When I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Take me into Your arms
My home lies within Your heart

And I can hear You say
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
-'Brand New Day' by Fireflight

It's so hard to think of every day as a brand new day. We get stuck in our ruts and just sit there, feeling helpless about our situations. With everything going on lately (bad economy and the trickle-down effect of that, familial stresses, and general chaos), it's so easy to wake up and think "Well, here's another day just like before." It doesn't take too long to get to the point when you're thinking "What's the point?" I think FIF summed it up best with the line "I just don't feel like flying anymore."

These songs remind me that with God's strength, each day is brand new. Not only that, but each day, with God's grace, we are brand new. We never know what God's going to do with a day if we give it to Him. That's the key... we have to give up our day to God for Him to do something amazing. What's interesting is that something amazing may not happen right away, but would be the result of something you let God do through you on any given day. If we think of each day as a new day, it changes our outlook on life. Wonder, "what will God do with me today?" and keep your eyes open for possibilities.

Songs of the Heart #3 - 'I Have Been There'

Here is the new one in the "series"!

March 8th, 2009

In a room without a view, a new mother smiles and holds
her tiny fingers on her brand new baby girl.
Her husband takes her by the hand, so unsure about the future
and no money can they make it in this world?
And they pray, Lord all we have to give is love
and they heard a gentle voice like an echo from above,

I have been there. I know what fear is all about.
Yes, I have been there and I'm standing with you now.
I have been there
And I came to build the bridge oh so this road could lead you home.
Oh I have been there.

He's been a pastor twenty years
but tonight he sits alone and broken hearted in the corner of the church
He tried to change a fallen world
with his words and with his wisdom but it seems like it is only getting worse
And he cries, Oh Lord I just don't understand
Then he felt the hand of grace, and he heard a voice that said

I have been there, I know what pain is all about
yes I have been there, and I'm standing with you now
I have been there, and I came to build a bridge
oh so this road could lead you home
oh I have been there.

An older man up on a hill
holding flowers but he can't hold back the tears.
oh he has come to say goodbye.
he thinks about the life she lived,
thinks about how hard it's been to live without her
sixty years right by his side
and he cries, oh Lord I loved her till the end
and he heard a gentle voice say "You'll see her once again."

I have been there
I know what sorrow's all about
yes I have been there and I'm standing with you now
I have been there, and I came to build a bridge
oh so this road could lead her home, the road could lead her home
oh I have been there
You know I overcame the cross, yes I have been there
so her life would not be lost
oh I have been there, and I came to build
a bridge so this road could lead you home
the road could lead you home

Oh I have been there

Yes I have been there
- 'I Have Been There' by Mark Schultz

This song simply amazes me. I get so caught up in the implications... Can you imagine? It's God basically telling us "Been there, done that. I know exactly what you're going through right now, and I'll be with you through it all." How absolutely comforting is that??

But how often do we really remember that He has been there with us through it all... that He knows our fears, our pain, our sorrows? How often do we forget, in the midst of those moments of fear, pain and sorrow, that God is with us, just willing us to turn around and seek His strength to get us through? This is something I am continuing to work on. To remember that God is there with me, through the moments of fear, of pain, and of sorrow, as well as the moments of joy, of excitement, and of peace. And we must thank Him for all of those moments. Because He is there, behind all of them.

I have been there. I know what fear is all about.
Yes, I have been there and I'm standing with you now.

I have been there

Songs of the Heart #2 - 'Hard to Get'

That initial spark from a journal entry initiated another... See, most of the groundwork of my faith and what I know of God has come from songs. It's how He speaks to me. I just can't always explain how it works. 'Day by Day' started me thinking that I could turn it into a devotional-type series. I wrote two, back in June of '07, and just the other day got the idea for a third, which I am working on. Here, for your reading pleasure, is the second one in the "series", 'Hard to Get'. It's a little longer than the other one, but it's because there's more lyrics to this song than the other!!

June 15th, 2007

You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love, and who get hardened by the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then.
Did You ever know loneliness? Did You ever know need?
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on and Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know is if

You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead and we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along, I guess.
That's just Your way and You are just plain hard to get
- 'Hard to Get' by Rich Mullins

I love this song. I just can't help but sing along with every fiber of my being. It's the last few lines that get me every time. I can't count the number of times I've felt so lost that I gave up trying to find a way, only to find God waiting for me at rock bottom, shining light a few feet in the right direction. That's one of the more interesting things I've learned - that God does His best and greatest work at the lowest and most miserable moments in our lives. It's like that old saying; "You can't fix what isn't broken." I have a t-shirt with a great phrase on it - 'healing comes to the broken places first'. God can't heal us until we recognize our brokenness, and give it up to Him.

So when I feel like God is playing "hard to get" in my life, when I really need His direction, I remember that it's when I get completely derailed and I'm totally lost that God shows up, in all His Glory, with a road map.

And so You've been here all along, I guess.
That's just Your way and You are just plain hard to get.

Just plain hard to get.

Songs of the Heart #1 - 'Day by Day'

It all started with a journal entry...

June 12th, 2007

Day by Day, day by day.
Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray:
To see Thee more clearly,
Love Thee more dearly,
Follow Thee more nearly;
Day by day.
- from Godspell

This chorus has been running through my mind for nearly 24 hours now. These are the things I should be desiring most! To see You clearer in everything around me; to love You with all my heart, soul and mind; and to follow You so closely that I don't know where I end and You begin. That's what I should be praying for, not the frivolous crap I normally ask You for.

So forgive me, Lord, and help me to desire these things more than anything else. And because I can't state them any more eloquently, I will just repeat them in their beautiful simplicity.

Day by day, day by day.
Oh, dear Lord, three things I pray;
To see Thee more clearly,
Love Thee more dearly,
Follow Thee more nearly;
Day by day.

My Testimony for the Chic Application... **IT'S DONE!!!**

I don’t claim to have a fantastic testimony; I haven’t experienced terrible hardships or incredible miracles. But God has still left His fingerprints all over my life, and to me, it’s fantastic. So, here it is.

I was born into a Christian family and accepted Christ when I was four years old. I grew up attending the same church of which I am now a member. Up until recent years, my faith has been all mental - no heart. Throughout the years, I’ve caught glimpses, felt flashes of that fire in my heart, but it never stayed long. One of the highlights was when I went to Chic ’97, the summer between my freshman and sophomore years. I found my best friend there, a friendship that God has been using for the past eleven years to mold me into the person He designed me to be.

I started working with the Jr. High part of the youth group as a necessity. My church doesn’t have much for the college/career age group, so after graduating, there wasn’t any ministry for me to get involved with, other than helping with the youth. I was enlisted to help with music for the Jr. High in 2002, and a couple of the kids convinced me to stay for the entire time, instead of leaving after the music was done. In April 2003, I was asked to chaperone the Sr. High Spring Retreat (our 8th graders go on that retreat, as their introduction to the Sr. High group), and started working with the Sr. High as well. It was something else to keep me busy, back then. I thought working with these teens would make me happier and bring me closer to God.

Things went on like that for a few years: Breakaway (Jr. High) Wednesday nights, SNL (Sunday Night Live, for Sr. High) Sunday nights, leader’s meetings once a month, retreats, Sunday School, and such filled my calendar, but that fire was still missing from my heart. Even through the first half of this year, I knew something was wrong with my life. But I just couldn’t figure out what.

At the beginning of the summer, I had pinpointed the problem to not being where I should be in my faith. I felt like I was stuck in quicksand, but I couldn’t figure out how to get myself out. I was stagnant – I had stopped growing spiritually. But how to get moving again? I was hoping for something to happen when I went on my summer vacation at the end of July: Soul Fest. This was my fourth year attending Soul Fest (a Christian music festival located in New Hampshire), and has been the one place I’ve consistently felt God’s presence and inspiration in the previous three years.

Last year was different. The usual excitement was a fraction of it’s former self from previous years. I didn’t know what to do, why I couldn’t feel anything, even there, at Soul Fest. I couldn’t understand why I was stuck in the numbness. I drifted through Soul Fest, experiencing and enjoying it, but I never experienced the “something” I’d been hoping for. I went back home feeling somewhat disappointed and wondering how I was ever going to get out of this quicksand and shake the numbness.

I got home Sunday, August third, and called my parents to let them know I’d made it back safe. My Mom, who I’ve never gotten along with well, got on the phone after I’d talked to my Dad, saying she had something she wanted to talk to me about. Rolling my eyes, I listened as she took a deep breath. But her next words took my breath away: “I think you’re suffering from depression.”

What?? She kept talking, but my mind was stuck on those six words. Me? Depressed?? My brain didn’t want to accept it, but something about it just rang true. And as my Mom described how she’d seen the same symptoms in a coworker and friend of hers earlier that year that she saw in me now, I realized that, thought I hated to admit it, she was right.

Me. Depressed. I can’t describe the shock it was to finally put a reason to the numbness – a name to the pit of quicksand. It was also somewhat of a relief. Now that I knew, I could do something about it. I made a deal with my Mom, that she would give me the chance to work with God on getting to a better place. If that didn’t work, then I’d try “her way” – medication.

And so, with the help of my dear, best friend that I found at Chic so many years ago (who also happened to be struggling with depression at the same time), I set my sights on God and started clawing my way out of the quicksand.

Looking back, I can find evidence of my struggle with depression going as far back as high school – it just got worse over the years. Here’s an excerpt from my journal, the last entry before my Mom pointed out my depression when I got back from Soul Fest.

“But the feeling still isn’t there. Why do I feel almost… dead inside? Numb. And I’m realizing that maybe… if I’ve numbed myself to the pain, have I numbed my heart to everything?” 8-2-08

Over the past six months, looking at that entry (and writing more), I’ve realized that my issues with trusting people have filled me with that numbness. I’ve known for a long time that my inability to trust people extended to God. I knew it shouldn’t, but if close friends and even family have failed me, broken my trust time and again, how can I place my trust in a God that I can’t see?

Flawed logic, I know, but that’s just the way my brain works. Trusting God before I trust myself – that’s definitely been the hardest thing I’ve had to work on in the past year.

It’s been a difficult year, for sure, but hindsight is a beautiful thing. From here, I can see that God never left me, even when I felt abandoned. He was always there, just waiting for me to reach out to Him in my despair, so that he could scoop me up into His arms.

And that’s just the best place to be!

Thoughts on James ch. 1

So, as part of our normal weekly Bible Study routine, my best friend and I are trying to synchronize our daily Bible Readings. Me? I've been decidedly lax on this front, so I told him I'd follow his lead. At last night's Bible Study, we decided, at random, to start at James for now, reading a chapter a day. We agreed to meet up online at night, to basically make sure we'd both read it. I did not intend to really write anything, but just jot down a few notes to help me remember what I'd thought. Here's what I ended up writing.

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Thought One

How hard is it to face trials and suffering with PURE JOY????? How often do we actually do that? The bottom line is, trials suck. And it's not until afterward that we look back and can see the journey or maybe even glimpse the reasonings for the trial that we find, not joy, but satisfaction in knowing that we persevered. But, this passage is saying it should be otherwise!! We should persevere, knowing, without a doubt, that God will bring us through, and find joy (yes, JOY!) that this trial is happening to us "...so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (vs. 4) Looking at this verse, it tells me that we are going through a trial because we lack something. And if we persevere through the suffering with an eye towards finding what we should be learning from it, we just might find that something we were lacking. But, we have to take ourselves out of the little pity-party we normally love reveling in, and realize it's not about our suffering, but about how these trials will make us a more complete person in God's eyes.

Thought Two

"Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." (vs. 19) Again, something of a rarity these days. It is so easy to be angry in situations we don't understand completely. And so, we shoot of our mouths with so-called righteous anger, never taking the time to listen to the other's viewpoint - to try and put ourselves in their shoes, so to speak. How much better would this world be if we stopped to think about any situation from someone else's position, instead of always leaping to our own, often completely wrong, conclusions? And this does not just apply to being angry... whenever we make judgments about someone, have you thought about why they act the way they do? I know I am exceptionally guilty of judging people's character, even though I try so hard not to. Something to definitely be more conscious about.

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So, there it is. This was only the first day of reading, so whether or not I end up writing something for each day remains to be seen. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys it, and maybe finds it a bit eye-opening, as I did.